So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
