I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
