spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
