Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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