cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
