I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
