You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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