get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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