Need sex. Gaining weight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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