the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
