I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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