we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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