I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
