By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
