Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
