the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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