how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
