Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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