so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
