you guys were way drunker than both of me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
