Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
