I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
