Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
