I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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