why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
