so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
