tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
