Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
