i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
