So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
