So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
