I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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