I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
