The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
