Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
