meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
