gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
