wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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