last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
