I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
