to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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