Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
