Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
