you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
