I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
