did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
