...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
