This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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