i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
