It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
