obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
