One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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