Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
