Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
