im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
