i just had sex bonerless
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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